Ep39 Gary Searle - How a Rare Brain Trait Became a Superpower and Business Idea

00:00:00:02 - 00:00:05:10
Gary Searle
Yeah. So for me personally, it's really, really simple. I'm just myself all the time.

00:00:05:10 - 00:00:13:17
Gary Searle
And then people will naturally just gravitate towards me or away from me, so I don't have to filter anything as such because they do it for me, by me just showing up as myself.

00:00:13:16 - 00:00:39:22
Suzanne Taylor-King
Hey, hey. Welcome to a podcast where dreams meet. Determination and success is just around the corner. I'm your host, Suzanne Taylor King. And I'm here to help you unlock the full potential of your business and your life. Welcome to Unlock Your Way with SDK. Let's unlock your path to success together.

00:00:39:22 - 00:01:20:14
Suzanne Taylor-King
Good morning. Good morning everyone. Suzanne Taylor King here for another live episode of Unlock Your Way with SDK. I'm SDK and my guest today, Gary Searle, and I'm going to introduce him. By the way, I've experienced Gary. I've experienced generosity and incredible curiosity and just a masterful way of connecting other people together. And so he calls himself a marketing coach.

00:01:20:16 - 00:01:38:10
Suzanne Taylor-King
A referral coach, maybe, but I have taken it my personal mission to come up with a category design for this man, because you are such a genius with connecting people. So welcome, Gary.

00:01:38:12 - 00:01:55:07
Gary Searle
Thank you. That's one of my favorite introductions ever for a podcast. I loved it. It's nice to hear kind of the how you see me. Because I would say it's nice to hear what other people think compared to myself. But yeah, I, like I said to you before, I don't get too hung up on how people introduce me or what people think of me as a coach.

00:01:55:07 - 00:02:06:19
Gary Searle
Market, consultant or whatever. But yeah, anything that you come up with, you can think is unique to me. And, like, I might be like, right away. That's it. That's that's how I am now, but who knows? Let's see.

00:02:06:21 - 00:02:42:05
Suzanne Taylor-King
Okay. I love ideas and I love, category design. And I love unique points of view. And something that stood out, for me right away. And we've been, you know, in the past six months or so deepening our connection and our relationship. And from the very beginning, you were interested in me. You put me and your interests in me before yourself, and it's very, very apparent.

00:02:42:05 - 00:02:48:15
Suzanne Taylor-King
And you feel that from you. Where does that come from?

00:02:48:17 - 00:03:12:07
Gary Searle
Okay, so I think for me it's just an innate thing inside me. I've always been curious. I was a curious child. I was asking a lot of questions and to be in, kind of something that's unique about me. I have a I say a condition is not more of a trait called low latent inhibition. So I see some I see things to a much more detail way than most people.

00:03:12:07 - 00:03:26:10
Gary Searle
So like, for example, if you looked at a light bulb, you just see the image of a light bulb. But I think about every everything we do with it, I think about the inside, how it is made, who made it, who came up with it, how it can be used, what are some other uses for it? So I've always had that curiosity.

00:03:26:12 - 00:03:47:01
Gary Searle
So I think it comes from that. It's called low it's called low latent inhibition. Everyone has something called latent inhibition, which is basically your brain's ability to block out incoming stimuli, which most people do to a massive degree. But my brain doesn't have that ability. So I look at everything as if it's the first time I've ever seen it.

00:03:47:01 - 00:04:00:15
Gary Searle
So let's say, for example, you walked into someone's house, you're taking everything in because you've never been there before. But if you went there again at that point, you see that it's new. It's not new anymore. But me, I would be walking in as if it's the first time I've seen it. Every single time, even in my own property.

00:04:00:15 - 00:04:16:16
Gary Searle
Even though I know where it is. I still looked at that same way. So I think that's where that curiosity comes from. But for me, like I said, it is that natural thing, but I think it's something that anyone can develop. But some people have to work hard at it.

00:04:16:18 - 00:04:50:23
Suzanne Taylor-King
Well, now, I'm so glad I asked that question because I, I wrote that down. I'm looking that up and I'm going to read about that. I have something, that it is related to the visual center of my brain. So when somebody talks to me and the way you just described low latent inhibition, I saw it. So you said light bulb.

00:04:51:01 - 00:05:24:08
Suzanne Taylor-King
I saw the light bulb. Yeah. And all of the. It's almost like a funnel map or a it, network design map. That's what my husband does. So I see his maps all the time and I'm like, oh, that looks like a funnel. And he's like, what's a funnel? And I'm like, what's that? You know, but they look this way, and it's this way I have of seeing connections between things like pages and softwares and people.

00:05:24:08 - 00:05:41:14
Gary Searle
Sorry. Yeah. So can say that's interesting for you. You might say, because a latent inhibition essentially is on a scale of the spectrum bit like, people that are autistic, it's on a spectrum and every single person will fit somewhere on it. Some people, most people are more or less in the middle. So the average some people have very high levels of inhibition.

00:05:41:14 - 00:05:58:03
Gary Searle
So they literally block out pretty much everything. It's like to even more than the average person and then other people at the lower end, but they don't seem to block out any of it or very little. So you might find that you're more on the lower side, but maybe not the low end, where it'd be considered low light inhibition but lower than average, potentially.

00:05:58:05 - 00:06:12:03
Suzanne Taylor-King
And I think it is a skill because then you mentioned being able to block out everything. I can do that as well. Okay. During my deep work time. But that took work and practice.

00:06:12:03 - 00:06:12:18
Gary Searle
Okay.

00:06:12:20 - 00:06:20:02
Suzanne Taylor-King
To, you know, not hear sounds, not smell smells not, you know, turn all of that off.

00:06:20:04 - 00:06:24:09
Gary Searle
And see where that's that's impossible for me. I can't do that.

00:06:24:11 - 00:06:32:20
Suzanne Taylor-King
Okay. That's really interesting. How did you discover for that about yourself?

00:06:32:22 - 00:06:49:06
Gary Searle
Well, that was the interesting thing because most people that have it don't know because they just think everyone's the same and they never really know any different. And I was the same. I just thought, well, that's normal. Everyone's the same. I never really talked about it because again, just thought it was a normal thing. And then I heard about a condition called alien invasion.

00:06:49:06 - 00:07:05:23
Gary Searle
It was described to me and I was like, hang on a minute. It's not just what everyone does. And then I looked into it and then I think I spoke to a company with like some sort of psychiatrist or something like that that basically knew about the condition, which a lot of people don't, even medically trained people, because it's not considered a medical condition, it's more of a trait.

00:07:06:00 - 00:07:14:20
Gary Searle
And he was actually someone that looked into it and he basically said, that's so my son, that that's what you've got. Based on what you're saying, and I'm talking to you.

00:07:14:22 - 00:07:46:13
Suzanne Taylor-King
Wow. I and I see the connection between when you see people you immediately know who, after talking to me, you know, who all great referral partners would be for me. Great clients would be for me. And it it it came so naturally to you to want to bring people together, want to connect great people to great people. I had to work on that.

00:07:46:13 - 00:07:53:18
Suzanne Taylor-King
I had to learn how to do it. But it seems like it comes so naturally to you.

00:07:53:20 - 00:08:14:07
Gary Searle
So it comes naturally from the sense of I can see those connections. But what wasn't natural was the fact that I had to let myself put those connections together and then be willing to actually go to those people and say, I think you two should meet. That wasn't natural for me at the beginning and is like actually going out and bringing the people together.

00:08:14:09 - 00:08:30:00
Gary Searle
But I would always see that two people that should meet and should connect. But for a long time I just didn't do anything about it. That was then when I developed skill to actually bring those people together. But the actual ability to see two people that should connect me, that was always natural. I mean, I always saw that.

00:08:30:02 - 00:08:35:02
Suzanne Taylor-King
What made you feel like that's what you wanted to do for a living?

00:08:35:04 - 00:08:52:16
Gary Searle
So I did it for myself. And then in order to build my other businesses, through, like, referrals. What a mouth. And I then started to grow a love for doing it. Grow a lot for marketing, particularly marketing in the way that I do it, which goes against what so many marketers will call you set out to run your business.

00:08:52:17 - 00:09:08:21
Gary Searle
Yeah, and I kind of saw a bit of a gap in the market. I spoke to a lot of people who were saying they want more referrals, word of mouth, but they can't do it consistently, predictably. And I was like, that's weird, because that's like the easiest way for me to market is like, so fun is when I was like a much more enjoyable way of marketing everyone in your business.

00:09:08:23 - 00:09:22:10
Gary Searle
So I kind of just saw a bit of a gap in the market that I wasn't really anyone else doing this, or if there was one really big in the market place, a lot of people didn't hear about them. So it was kind of more of like, okay, within my network, at least I was here in time and time again.

00:09:22:10 - 00:09:37:16
Gary Searle
People were saying, I don't know anyone else that does this. So that made me think, there's got to be some sort of opportunity there. The fact that people in my network on get an opportunity to get more referrals and word of mouth, because a lot of marketing companies don't specialize in referrals.

00:09:37:17 - 00:09:47:14
Suzanne Taylor-King
Wow. So you listened and you saw a gap in the market. What business were you doing at that time.

00:09:47:16 - 00:10:07:19
Gary Searle
I was a personal coach. So I was essentially helping people to get better. Most people would call it work life balance, but I called it what like integration because I don't believe in is it being balanced? I believe that being integrated at all parts of your life integrated, which came from me previously, not having that integration, and it really affected me badly.

00:10:07:21 - 00:10:25:13
Gary Searle
So yeah, I wanted to help other people from there, and I imagined I'd be doing that for the rest of my life. But then when I got into this, I started to help a few other coaches. I didn't quite feminine alignment by being a coach and having this as a second business. So I decided to go all in on one, and I decided to go in with the marketing one, because that was all that I was getting a lot more enjoyment out of.

00:10:26:14 - 00:10:42:06
Suzanne Taylor-King
Well, isn't that so important? I think, the reason referrals, introductions, referrals and that, you know, word of mouth, that ability to have people talking about you in rooms you're not in.

00:10:43:05 - 00:11:10:08
Suzanne Taylor-King
Is one of the greatest skills I ever worked on. And I think if people don't see the value in that, they're really missing out on a way to be in your business, a way to attract people to you that not everybody else is doing.

00:11:10:08 - 00:11:36:19
Gary Searle
from my experience, most people are interested enough and they like, get referrals enough that they are curious. But I do find a lot of people or even they don't know how to do it, and then they get put off because they feel like it's going to be a lot of work. And then the other people are the ones that have heard from other coaches and Marxism gurus that said, you can't get consistent and predictable referrals and that you can't rely on them, which is absolute rubbish.

00:11:36:19 - 00:11:56:19
Gary Searle
You can, it's like any form of marketing, if you put in the work and you do it in the right way, then it can be very reliable, very consistent and predictable. But unfortunately a lot of people have taken that on and believe it just because they've had so many people say it. But all that means of those people is they don't know how to, and that's why they believe that you can't.

00:11:56:21 - 00:12:26:13
Suzanne Taylor-King
Yeah. Do you now, do you think that not knowing well traditional marketing and, and maybe we'll even go one step further and saying most marketing that's happening on social media to me is not marketing to me. It's, you know, this, this direct cold outreach that I used to call by my by myself, by myself, by my staff.

00:12:26:13 - 00:12:37:10
Suzanne Taylor-King
And if you ask a thousand people, you might get one person to say, all right, I'll look at it. And to me, that's not marketing.

00:12:37:12 - 00:12:38:15
Gary Searle
No.

00:12:38:17 - 00:12:41:17
Suzanne Taylor-King
What's your definition of marketing?

00:12:41:19 - 00:13:03:17
Gary Searle
So very interesting question because I think you will get loads of different, definitions of it. But for me, I think marketing is any activity that brings awareness to your business. And then once people become aware, it's no longer for me about marketing as such, it's more about nurturing. It's building a relationship, building a connection and taking a brew.

00:13:03:17 - 00:13:25:06
Gary Searle
What essentially is your sales funnel? But for me, I think it's all about awareness. And I believe that most people that doing cold outreach are bringing any kind of awareness to their business. All they're doing is pitch slapping you and, you know, literally nothing about them or their business because they've not given you anything. And at that point it's like, well, I have no idea if this is even even for me.

00:13:25:11 - 00:13:30:16
Gary Searle
And a lot of the time they assume that you're going to want it or you need it, which again, is marketed.

00:13:30:18 - 00:14:08:19
Suzanne Taylor-King
Yeah. To me that's, well, one, I probably get 40 of those messages a day because I'm very visible on social media. So the more visible you are, everyone listening, the more visible you are, the more of those messages you're going to have to delete every day. So to me, that means you shouldn't be doing it. So if I'm on the receiving end of some sort of marketing and I hate it and it makes me feel ill, why do that's weird.

00:14:08:20 - 00:14:41:18
Suzanne Taylor-King
If I feel that way, I'm not going to do that type of marketing. That's just the way I am. So I have noticed in the online space, so many people are teaching, DMing and sending those messages and cold outreach and all of that. So many. But that's not what they do to grow their business. And to me, that one, it's a little hypocritical, right?

00:14:41:18 - 00:15:22:10
Suzanne Taylor-King
You're you're teaching this thing, but you're actually doing something else to grow your business. So that's number one. But number two, marketing. Needs to feel fulfilling to me whether it's and I'm going to use the example of the event you had two weeks ago and you invited me. And there was three other people there. And two of those people were dream referral partners for me.

00:15:22:12 - 00:15:54:21
Suzanne Taylor-King
One, Jane's. Hi. Jane's. We've already met twice since that time with you, and I fully believe he will be able to provide value to some of my clients in my programs. Maybe we'll collaborate on something. And we've already been of massive value to each other. And I think you knew that before. Or we even talked.

00:15:54:23 - 00:16:22:22
Gary Searle
Yeah. Definitely. I knew that about you and James. I think you and Brian as well as a number one, I again, I always know even when I bring two people together, I usually know just how well they're going to connect as well before they even do. So there are some people where I connect of, I think there will be something there, but it might take a little bit more work, and then there'll be other people like you and James, you and Brian, where you click straight away and you just like coming up with all these opportunities and just you see the potential.

00:16:23:00 - 00:16:35:14
Gary Searle
And yeah, I can usually tell. So when people come to me, I can it's usually for me it's like, yeah, I knew that was going to happen. Personally, people do surprise me, but not very often these days because I'm so used to doing it and seeing it.

00:16:35:15 - 00:16:42:11
Suzanne Taylor-King
What does that do for your personal job satisfaction?

00:16:42:13 - 00:16:59:13
Gary Searle
I love it because I've always enjoyed bringing great people together. Like I said, even even before it became a natural thing for me. I had a skill that I had to build. I always still liked it when in my personal life, when I've got like two friends and I think actually you two would get on really well and I introduce them to each other.

00:16:59:15 - 00:17:13:07
Gary Searle
I even had that. And then it's like, it can be like my best friends and they become really great friends. And a lot of people would be like, oh my God. But now I feel like spare part because they've got on so well. I don't feel like that. I'm like, I just love that I was able to bring you two together, and you created this great friendship so quickly, and I was able to play a part in that.

00:17:13:09 - 00:17:40:13
Suzanne Taylor-King
Yeah, I love that. I, all of my friends in, in my personal life all know each other, which, my, my son, who's 15, who has, you know, three different friends groups. He has, you know, his sports friends, his school friends, his neighborhood friends. And he doesn't mix them because kids don't do that nowadays. You know, they don't invite their neighborhood friends and their school friends and their sports friends to their birthday party.

00:17:40:16 - 00:18:14:09
Suzanne Taylor-King
Everything's separate. Separate, separate. And I said, why don't you want to invite that group in that group and we'll have a party? And he's like, well, that's weird. And that's all I did growing up. And to this day, my best friend from high school, my best friend from college, and my two girlfriends from adulthood, we all get together and they all know each other, and they all love each other because they all love me.

00:18:14:11 - 00:18:27:20
Suzanne Taylor-King
So they all get along with me. So why wouldn't they get along with each other? And I just think it makes my life richer, same as my work connections.

00:18:27:22 - 00:18:44:08
Gary Searle
The interesting thing actually is for me, I get all with a wide range of people, like even people that I disagree with so much of maybe their personal beliefs and values and things like that. I can still get along with so many of those, and I will sometimes see two people and two friends who I'm actually like, I don't think you two actually would get on.

00:18:44:08 - 00:19:05:08
Gary Searle
You might even dislike each other. So those people, I actually don't tend to mix them because I don't see. But I feel like there is a connection there or there is a potential. Then I'll be like, yeah, you should meet. So for me it's a slightly different, just because I get on and talk to a whole range of people and have friends from like to you, like I have two completely different friends and you think there's no way you could have those two friends because they seem so different?

00:19:05:08 - 00:19:08:06
Gary Searle
Yeah, I do, I get on with them very, very well.

00:19:08:08 - 00:19:35:02
Suzanne Taylor-King
Yeah. That's something we have in common. I have I have one friend who is very well, I'll just say he's very colorful. And if I introduce him to one of my concert native girlfriends, well, one my conservative girlfriends, not friends with men. So she wouldn't even entertain that. She doesn't do business relationships with men either.

00:19:35:03 - 00:20:15:17
Suzanne Taylor-King
Like. Okay. And then the fact that he's colorful and, you know, is totally himself would make her uncomfortable. And so I know I don't I wouldn't connect those two people. And what I think is really interesting about certain people are really good at this. And I'm curious about you. To, to be able to repel the people that aren't good for you is almost as important as attracting the ones that are good for you.

00:20:15:19 - 00:20:35:21
Suzanne Taylor-King
What would be your recommendations for that filter of how do I figure out who is good for me? Good for to meet Gary. Not good. Like what's the what's the measure there or the filter that you put things through.

00:20:35:23 - 00:20:54:12
Gary Searle
Yeah. So for me personally, it's really, really simple. I'm just myself all the time. Literally. That's it. 100% of the time I'll be myself. I don't ever try and be someone I'm not. And then people will naturally just gravitate towards me or away from me, so I don't have to filter anything as such because they do it for me, by me just showing up as myself.

00:20:54:14 - 00:21:12:14
Gary Searle
And I think that's the that's what a lot of people get wrong, is that they do almost change their how they come across to certain people, depending on who they're with and the circumstances and the environments are like in business, I'm just myself. I don't have this professional look like. Sometimes I'll just turn up to a coaching call with a hoodie on.

00:21:12:16 - 00:21:28:06
Gary Searle
I won't wear a suit or like expensive clothes or anything like that because I don't do that in my life. I'm. I just wear whatever's comfortable and things like that. And my personality, I'll just be the same always. And then it's like, yeah, people will choose. They will have a go away for me, and that's fine. Or they'll gravitate towards me because they love that.

00:21:28:06 - 00:21:38:01
Gary Searle
And, you know, in terms of my clients comment on that and say that you just yourself all the time, you just show up how you feel comfortable. And that's what we love about you. And that's one of the reasons why we work with you.

00:21:38:03 - 00:22:01:03
Suzanne Taylor-King
Well, that that rings so true because that's that's you. That's your the authentic way you show up with that a process to getting to that point where you were comfortable and like confident enough to show up as yourself all the time.

00:22:01:05 - 00:22:19:21
Gary Searle
Yeah. Kind of. So what was really interesting, when I was growing up, I was always kind of to just be myself anyway, even as a kid. And then I started to get a few people that would say things like, oh, he's shy, he's quiet and whatever. And I thought, but that's not me. I'm not shy at all.

00:22:19:21 - 00:22:36:00
Gary Searle
I'm introverted, but that doesn't mean shy. And I almost didn't like it. I was like, I don't want people to see me as shy because I'm not. I'm actually really confident, but I don't shout about that confidence. It's a quiet confidence. So then I started to try and be a little bit louder, a little bit more brash and out there for a very brief period of time.

00:22:36:02 - 00:22:52:11
Gary Searle
And then I quickly realized that I hated doing that. I just wanted to be myself. So again, I didn't just went back to being like, you know what? I'm going to be myself now. People think I'm shy or I'm something I'm not. That's their issue. That's not to do with me. And ever since and I've just been like, yeah, just up myself all the time, no matter what.

00:22:52:11 - 00:23:05:06
Gary Searle
And yeah, now I am a little bit quieter than maybe a lot of really competent people would be. Not as loud, but that's okay. And that's just who I am.

00:23:05:08 - 00:23:21:15
Suzanne Taylor-King
Yeah. What would you what would you say to one of your people that's struggling a little bit with that? Either imposter syndrome or just the the difficulty in showing up as themselves all the time?

00:23:21:17 - 00:23:48:13
Gary Searle
I think I would say to begin with, it will be uncomfortable to begin with. You may potentially even lose a few friendships out of it because actually you show up as a different person, essentially because you're not being the person, the persona that you put on for however long because you lack that confidence. And that might be difficult to deal with, and you might be very tempted to revert back to wow, you was and you might even start to do that.

00:23:48:14 - 00:24:08:14
Gary Searle
But you've always got to force yourself to do that and force yourself to be uncomfortable. So to begin with, to the point where it will just become a habit, where now you are naturally self. Because what I find is that most people, as they get older, certainly into their later years, they naturally do become themselves at that point because they're even too tired of being someone that I know or they don't care anymore.

00:24:08:16 - 00:24:30:17
Gary Searle
So why don't you just be that person while you're younger and actually enjoy life even more? Because it does make life more enjoyable when you get past that uncomfortable stage. So it's almost like you got to think about how you would feel at the end of your life. And nobody ever feels like that. I wish I wasn't myself or I wish that I'd shown up differently, though it's more that I wish I had shown up as myself from the very beginning.

00:24:30:17 - 00:24:38:18
Gary Searle
I wish I hadn't have cared what people think about me and all those kinds of things. Yeah, so just do that now rather than wait until you're in your 60s, 70s and 80s.

00:24:38:20 - 00:25:21:12
Suzanne Taylor-King
I love that, I love that I remember my very first coach in the online space, week one of a ten week program that was a big investment for me at the time, was all about your professional photo shoot. And, you needed this. I don't even know how to describe it. Very feminine look. And you needed, you know, an expensive bag and shoes and, you know, a Paris background or a London background or a New York City background.

00:25:21:12 - 00:25:57:12
Suzanne Taylor-King
And it needs to show you, as the woman exact words your pictures need to show you as the woman other women want to be like. And I was like, I don't I don't want to wear pink dress and, you know, $900 shoes and have a Paris photoshoot that wouldn't make me hire somebody. Yeah. So it really made me question, is that marketing?

00:25:57:18 - 00:26:25:22
Suzanne Taylor-King
Is that fake? And I asked this question. I've made a ton of money in my first business. And so coming into the online space was different. And I said the most money I ever made from a deal. I was wearing jeans, an Indian motorcycle t shirt and a pair of flip flops. Now, is this fancy outfit going to help me?

00:26:26:00 - 00:26:48:20
Gary Searle
Yeah. Do you know what the interesting thing is? My my wife, I. So I've got this picture from my wedding. And it's me wearing a suit, obviously. My wedding. And my wife is always like, that's a really nice picture you should have as your profile picture on Facebook. And it would be more up stakes loved ones, probably a couple of years old, and I've been shot against it because I really like the photo.

00:26:48:22 - 00:27:01:17
Gary Searle
But the thing is, I'm never you're never going to see me in a suit any other time. Like that's the first time in probably more than ten years I've worn a suit, so I wouldn't want to put that as my profile picture, because I don't want people to get the impression that I wear a suit because I don't.

00:27:01:19 - 00:27:19:02
Gary Searle
So that's the only reason I shied away from using the picture, because it looks too professional in the sense of it looks more pressure than I would ever show up on anything apart from my wedding. So yeah, that's the main reason why I haven't done it. Other than that, I would use that photo because I really like the photo, but it's just because of the fact that I'm wearing a suit and I always wouldn't.

00:27:19:08 - 00:27:21:19
Gary Searle
So it gives a false impression of who I am.

00:27:21:21 - 00:28:10:04
Suzanne Taylor-King
Yeah, I like that. I like because that's part of showing up as yourself is showing up how you are in everyday life. You know, we're lucky enough that a lot of our work is from home, so I can wear shorts and sneakers or shorts and flip flops in the summer and still be on zoom and, you know, not worry about showing up professional, you know, because I think so much of that is such a farce in such a just a way of dressing a certain way so that people see you as professional.

00:28:10:06 - 00:28:15:13
Suzanne Taylor-King
Hey, I don't really agree with that any longer. I think it's changed.

00:28:15:15 - 00:28:29:06
Gary Searle
Yeah. One of the things for me when I first started in the online world, I started with LinkedIn, and I was hearing it time and time again, people saying, oh, you've got to show up a certain way. You've got to communicate somewhere. You've got to write your content in a certain way. Your profile picture is going to look a certain way.

00:28:29:08 - 00:28:49:12
Gary Searle
And I never did any of that. And yet it never affected me and my business. I was still able to grow a business. So that proved to me that that's all a load of rubbish, that, yeah, there might be some people that will be judgmental, you know, think of in terms of like, I won't hire a cultural consultant unless they're wearing a suit or if they unless they talk a different way, for instance, then I would hire them.

00:28:49:12 - 00:29:17:13
Gary Searle
Then that's fine. But that's not my type of person. It's like, for me, I'm not a big swearer I don't particularly use our language that much, but that's just naturally that when I was growing up in a family that didn't sweat that much, there's just because I've never really done that. But if somebody is that type of person, I actually think that you probably should just show up in your business that way and just swear and say, how have you speak, how you normally speak, rather than try and filter it down, and then you attract the other people the same way, because I've got friends and I've got people that I do business with that

00:29:17:13 - 00:29:27:17
Gary Searle
do swear like a sailor and I don't care because that's just who they are. But I personally don't do that. But it's again, if that's how you are, I think you should just show up as that person agreed.

00:29:27:17 - 00:29:36:07
Suzanne Taylor-King
And I think there's there's a difference between using bad language to someone else.

00:29:36:09 - 00:29:36:21
Gary Searle
Yes.

00:29:36:23 - 00:29:41:17
Suzanne Taylor-King
And filtering it in, you know, and it comes out naturally.

00:29:41:19 - 00:29:42:09
Gary Searle
Exactly.

00:29:42:12 - 00:30:13:14
Suzanne Taylor-King
As an emotion or an expression. I think there's, there's two different ways. And somebody asked me that one time, you know, because I'm a white woman, how do I get away with, you know, dropping a swear word once in a while? And I said, because it's in the package that it's being delivered in, it's never cursing at someone.

00:30:13:14 - 00:30:37:02
Suzanne Taylor-King
It's using that like an exclamation point in a sentence. You know, it's to bring attention to something or a motion to something. And I think that's a skill. And I it made me think about another skill that you have, you're really, really good at communicating in a group of people.

00:30:37:04 - 00:30:39:13
Suzanne Taylor-King
And I've noticed it twice.

00:30:39:15 - 00:30:40:05
Gary Searle
Okay.

00:30:40:07 - 00:31:17:11
Suzanne Taylor-King
Getting or encouraging other people to communicate their value to one another. It's almost like you, you know, it's it's part of your coaching background, I'm sure. But let's talk a little bit about how you pull value from someone, because you either see it or you hear it or whatever. And then this way that you have of, you know, kind of choreographing the conversation.

00:31:17:12 - 00:31:42:07
Gary Searle
So for me, when I'm in a conversation that I'm hosting or I've facilitated, I want to show other people what I see in other people, and I want people to come out and show their best self and actually call it a what if you want brag about what makes them great, because I think we're taught in this society not to brag and not to say about what we think lot like about ourselves and what we're good at.

00:31:42:09 - 00:32:00:14
Gary Searle
And I think that's wrong. I think we should shout about the things that we are great at and that we enjoy and all that sort of stuff. So I want to bring that out in. People know, I think I quite often I see people that do struggle with that or don't like to do it, and if I don't like to do it, then I might tone it down a little bit because I don't want to make them uncomfortable.

00:32:00:14 - 00:32:16:02
Gary Searle
But if it's more, they just feel like they shouldn't, then I will try and bring that out. But then I also for me, the main thing is I want to bring everyone into the conversation because I think, no, some people are naturally kind of sit back, let other people take the lead, lead the conversation, say what they want to say, but then they don't really say too much themselves.

00:32:16:02 - 00:32:31:14
Gary Searle
They're more of a listener or an observer, and that's fine. But I think you should also have that platform to be able to speak yourself. And even if it's just going to be a short sentence or a very short thing that you say, it's still going to be powerful. And actually, I do find a lot of those people that are quiet and reserved.

00:32:31:16 - 00:32:45:09
Gary Searle
The things they say are really, really powerful and that they should be saying that. But quite often they hold that back. So I want to bring that out of everyone that I'm in a conversation. If I'm facilitating it and hosting it, or even sometimes if I'm not, I might still try and bring people in if they're being a bit quiet.

00:32:45:11 - 00:33:06:04
Gary Searle
And I had a thing, a few years ago where I went on holiday with a group of people, and there was 2 or 3 that I didn't know, and there was one guy there who I'd never met before, and I don't think he'd really met anyone else in the group. I think he only knew one person. And when we've had that first meeting before we went on holiday the night before, I was the only person I actually spoke to and had a conversation with and everyone.

00:33:06:04 - 00:33:29:19
Gary Searle
I was kind of just left into it because he wasn't saying a lot, but I actually sat and had a conversation with him, and he said to me a few years later, which I didn't know. He said he really appreciated that night because I was the only person I actually felt made him feel like he was part of the group and part of the conversation no one else did, and that was one of the reasons why we actually connected and got on really well because of the fact that I did that, but I didn't even know that he appreciated that and saw it.

00:33:29:21 - 00:33:36:21
Suzanne Taylor-King
Did you see it? Did you see that? He was kind of, you know, on the fringe of conversations?

00:33:36:23 - 00:33:52:03
Gary Searle
Yeah, I saw it. And I saw in him. And that's why I wanted to engage in conversation, because I didn't know that either. It was because he wasn't confident or just because he not very good with people he's never met. I don't really care what the reasons was. It was more I could see he wanted to actually be part of conversation.

00:33:52:03 - 00:34:08:11
Gary Searle
I could sense it, but he didn't quite know how to do it in the right way. So I just tried to bring him naturally into the conversation. And for a period of time, me and him just sat on the side and actually just spoke, just between the two of us and anyone else get on with it. And yeah, that was just, something I could see and I'd be like, well, I want to try and make him feel comfortable.

00:34:08:11 - 00:34:16:16
Gary Searle
So because we're about to spend another week, we're about to spend a week together, we'll want to make that week as comfortable for him and allow him to join it as much as possible.

00:34:16:18 - 00:34:28:11
Suzanne Taylor-King
I love that. So is that part, part of your gift? It's part intuition. Part, energy. What is it for you that makes you notice things like that?

00:34:28:13 - 00:34:45:20
Gary Searle
I think it is that I think it is a big, big part of it is intuition. And I think it is being able to sense the energy and the very energy of people individually. And then I can kind of get a sense of what that person needs and wants at that time. And more often than not, I am right about that.

00:34:45:22 - 00:34:49:21
Suzanne Taylor-King
What's that feel like to trust that when it happens.

00:34:49:23 - 00:35:04:11
Gary Searle
That for me for a long time was uncomfortable because I always battled with myself when I was like, I didn't trust my intuition. I didn't trust the things that were coming through to me. It was almost like, but what if I'm wrong? What if it goes wrong? What if I make someone uncomfortable because I never want to make people uncomfortable?

00:35:04:13 - 00:35:20:02
Gary Searle
So in my early years, I didn't tend to trust that intuition and go along with it. But then as I got into my teenage years and certainly into my early 20s, then I did like just like, okay, I'm going to trust it because more often than not, I am right about this. And if I am wrong, I'll just open it, apologize for it, and say, this is what I saw.

00:35:20:03 - 00:35:34:15
Gary Searle
This is why I did it. I didn't do it to offend anyone or hurt anyone Sweden's or make anyone uncomfortable. But that's why I did it. And I'll just explain why I do things a certain way, which might come across as not normal or like not how most people would.

00:35:34:17 - 00:35:44:05
Suzanne Taylor-King
Yeah, well, I think that's how you show up with massive value to other people. So leaning into that actually had to happen.

00:35:44:07 - 00:35:44:23
Gary Searle
For.

00:35:45:01 - 00:35:47:08
Suzanne Taylor-King
Me to be where you're at today.

00:35:47:10 - 00:35:48:10
Gary Searle
Volunteer.

00:35:48:11 - 00:35:56:13
Suzanne Taylor-King
Let's talk a little bit about what reciprocity means for you.

00:35:56:15 - 00:36:16:07
Gary Searle
So reciprocity for me comes down to mutual value. Mutual beneficial means mutual benefit. I'm not all about what I can take from something. Know it's not all about me. And I think you alluded to it at the beginning where it's like I focus on you and it's what I could do for you and the value I could bring to you.

00:36:16:09 - 00:36:33:04
Gary Searle
I do that naturally, but also I just enjoy doing it. So for me, that reciprocity thing, it makes complete sense. So like a few weeks ago, I did a shoutout to someone and I didn't expect anything in return, but they just said, oh, if you ever need anything, let me know. And if I can do it, I will.

00:36:33:04 - 00:36:50:11
Gary Searle
So it's like now I've got an idea of actually how they can help me with something, so I'm going to reach out to them probably next week now and just say, you know, that thing you said you would do for me? Could you do that for me now and again? It just comes down to I naturally do things that I think will help people and benefit them and is up to them whether they want to reciprocate that.

00:36:50:13 - 00:37:06:02
Gary Searle
But what I know is that if I put enough goodwill out into the world and I do enough of these things, people will enough people will allow me to do that. And that's where the referrals come from. I know that if I needed a client next week, I've got people that I can go to an actual referral and I will get that referral.

00:37:06:04 - 00:37:13:03
Gary Searle
Whether it comes from the first person I ask or the fifth person I ask, it doesn't not. But I know that it will be there. And I know I've got enough people that I can go and ask for referral.

00:37:13:03 - 00:37:38:02
Suzanne Taylor-King
Any point I, I like that idea that it's not a tit for tat thing. It's not. You know, I introduce Gary to three people and he introduces me to three, and then I do three, and then he does three. It's about quality and not numbers. So I'll let you use this example. And see if this resonates with you.

00:37:38:04 - 00:38:15:04
Suzanne Taylor-King
I have a coach that I refer to who charges anywhere from 60,000 to $100,000 for an engagement with her, and I've referred numerous people to have conversations with her and one has become a client. Maybe two of those people have become a client. And now my program is less than hers. And she's introduced me to probably 40 people.

00:38:15:06 - 00:38:47:10
Suzanne Taylor-King
But since her ideal client is a higher price point, it's not the same. Like I don't have a quality person for her as often, but when I do, they say yes to her. And to me that's really valuable. When somebody thinks of me that way, that is somebody I will bend over backwards for. And Gordon says, I'm going to put his comment here.

00:38:47:10 - 00:38:54:04
Suzanne Taylor-King
It reciprocating is mutual benefits for each other. Gordon gives me that all the time. Such mutual.

00:38:54:04 - 00:38:54:14
Gary Searle
Love it.

00:38:54:19 - 00:39:36:20
Suzanne Taylor-King
Such, generosity. I've taken Gordon's program. He's been involved with things I do like. We we really value each other's opinion and personal growth and push to that next level. And I think doing it, regardless of what comes back that stands out for me. Gordon. And I know Gary, it stands out for you, too. Like, you just keep putting stuff out there, whether it's good content, good introductions, good referrals, and it will come back to you.

00:39:36:22 - 00:39:56:09
Gary Searle
Yeah. For me, every single day when I work, outside of my life, like, job as well. But let's just say in a work environment, I'm always thinking in terms of who can I serve today? How can I serve them? What good will can I put out into the world? What are the things? What's the value that I can create for people?

00:39:56:11 - 00:40:13:01
Gary Searle
Yeah. Then off the back of that, I know that there will be things that will come back to me that I'm not expecting. In terms of value with that reciprocity where I don't even have to ask for it, but again, at that same time is I know then that if I need to, I can go and ask for a favor at any point, because I've got loads of people that will say it will I?

00:40:13:01 - 00:40:25:01
Gary Searle
They owe me a favor, but no one owes me anything, that that's what they feel like, but it's more that I want them to feel like I want to do that, not that I need to. It's will I want to do that for Gary, because maybe he's done these things for me. Always helped me in so many ways.

00:40:25:07 - 00:40:26:15
Gary Searle
And that's fine.

00:40:26:17 - 00:41:02:10
Suzanne Taylor-King
Yeah, I think that's, that's that trigger that triggers that reciprocity feeling like, oh, Suzanne has done X, Y, and Z for me. She's provided value here or this or whatever it is. And then when it comes time for me to be on top of their mind for a referral, it makes sense. And it feels good to pay somebody back, so to speak, for the value that you've received from them.

00:41:02:10 - 00:41:35:11
Suzanne Taylor-King
So for me, it's all about value, value, value all day, every day out into the world. Workshops. Well, even one on one conversations, I, I want to be of value to that person and nobody needs more information. They need to feel more valued, more appreciated, and, and maybe more inspired. So if I could do that for somebody a couple times a day, it's it's wonderful to be able to do that.

00:41:35:13 - 00:42:11:14
Suzanne Taylor-King
I feel that way about you because of who you've connected me to. I'm always thinking who would be a great person for Gary. To me, if you don't know Gordon Melville, you need to meet him. And I'm going to introduce you because he's commenting on my video right now. He pays attention to my content. What I put out there, he pays attention to my people that I bring onto a platform, which I'm forever grateful for.

00:42:11:16 - 00:42:21:04
Suzanne Taylor-King
And so how do I pay Gordon back? How do I pay Gary back? Connect them to each other and watch the magic happen? Yeah.

00:42:21:06 - 00:42:37:13
Gary Searle
One of the things I always say to people is that put out the value that you would like to receive back. Sometimes you can do value that. You wouldn't like to receive that. But it's like if you want introductions and you want referrals. Yeah, give referrals, give introductions. If you want people to comment on your post, comment on their post.

00:42:37:15 - 00:42:47:03
Gary Searle
Put out the same sort of value that you'd like to get returned in because of the law of reciprocity, the chances are you will begin to get that back because you'll put in that stuff out into the world.

00:42:47:05 - 00:42:54:16
Suzanne Taylor-King
Well, look what Gordon just said. Like, this is a perfect example. SDK inspires me huge every day.

00:42:54:18 - 00:42:55:07
Gary Searle
Love it.

00:42:55:09 - 00:43:05:01
Suzanne Taylor-King
That's walking marketing for me. And I know, I know it's authentic. I know it's real because I know who it's coming from. So that you.

00:43:05:02 - 00:43:06:10
Gary Searle
Haven't asked him to do it ever.

00:43:06:12 - 00:43:20:23
Suzanne Taylor-King
You. No, no. We're here live. And he's he's saying nice things about me and I don't treat people. And I know you're the same. I don't treat people a certain way because I want something back.

00:43:21:01 - 00:43:21:19
Gary Searle
Exactly.

00:43:21:21 - 00:43:45:12
Suzanne Taylor-King
I don't, but I see greatness in people, and I see what's possible. And by seeing what's possible, it really, calls people to be the best version of themselves, which I absolutely love helping that happen. Yeah, it's so good.

00:43:45:14 - 00:43:46:22
Gary Searle
It's not like.

00:43:47:00 - 00:43:55:04
Suzanne Taylor-King
Oh, this is great. You'll love this one. Gary from Gordon. If you want quality referrals, you have to give quality referrals. You have to give.

00:43:55:04 - 00:43:56:07
Gary Searle
Me I.

00:43:56:09 - 00:44:03:13
Suzanne Taylor-King
Don't I don't expect them to come to you if you're not willing to give. Thank you. Gordon. Appreciate you.

00:44:03:15 - 00:44:17:09
Gary Searle
And I think the key word there as well is quality is like the quality of the referrals that you give. And what I always say as well is that if you don't know how to give someone a quality referral, ask them. Because even me as a referral expert, I don't always know what a quality referral will be for someone.

00:44:17:11 - 00:44:26:07
Gary Searle
Like quite often I can sense it, but if I can't and I'm not sure, I'll just go to them and I'll say, what is a quality referral for you? And then I'll be looking for that.

00:44:26:09 - 00:44:52:13
Suzanne Taylor-King
Yeah, and I don't you think specific is really, really cool when somebody says, who do you want to meet? I say, I want to meet a vintage chair or somebody who leads a high level mastermind or peer group. Everybody I've said that to has at least one of those people for me.

00:44:52:15 - 00:44:53:03
Gary Searle
Yeah.

00:44:53:05 - 00:45:11:00
Suzanne Taylor-King
And if somebody says, so, who's your ideal client? My dream client is somebody over 50 who's leaving corporate but doesn't want to retire. Or maybe they're having an exit from a company and they don't want to retire.

00:45:11:02 - 00:45:12:23
Gary Searle
Oh, well.

00:45:13:00 - 00:45:16:22
Suzanne Taylor-King
Immediately, you know, if you meet one of those people.

00:45:16:23 - 00:45:17:23
Gary Searle
Yeah.

00:45:18:01 - 00:45:26:10
Suzanne Taylor-King
And those conversations inspire me, even if they don't turn into a client. And I think that's key as well.

00:45:26:12 - 00:45:45:11
Gary Searle
Yeah. So like for me, when I'm in a conversation with someone, one of the things that I'm always open to and I'm always curious about is what they need and want right now. And quite often what they need or want isn't what I can provide. But I know someone else in my network can. And then as soon as I say what that thing is, I'll be like, oh, you need to speak to such and such person.

00:45:45:11 - 00:46:05:00
Gary Searle
But most people will get those options even if you don't ask for them. People will just naturally say the things that they need and want because it's always on their mind. They're always thinking about it when they're in a conversation, and it's whether you pick up on that and whether you take that opportunity. Most people, when they hear like, let's say you got someone who needs a website that a lot of us would then be like, well, I don't create websites for that.

00:46:05:00 - 00:46:18:15
Gary Searle
Does it matter? Just go on to the next thing. But I'll be like, I to drill into that. I'll be like, hey, what is it that you want from your website? What do you want it to do for you? So what's your budget? Things like that. And I'll be asking them questions and then I'll be like, you need to speak to such and such person.

00:46:18:17 - 00:46:32:23
Gary Searle
It doesn't matter. I haven't made any money out of it, but I can at least still send them in the right place, because then I know that they're going to remember me the next time they even want the thing that I can deliver. Or if they know somebody who needs the thing that I can deliver, they'll give that back to me.

00:46:33:01 - 00:47:09:07
Suzanne Taylor-King
Yeah, yeah. And I, I asked, I met someone a couple weeks ago who had just this incredible branding. It was from my research. Really done. Well, Instagram match, LinkedIn matched. Facebook call to action was all the same. Funnel was their website looked just. It looked like an influencer website that I've seen people pay 40, 50, $60,000 for.

00:47:09:09 - 00:47:47:22
Suzanne Taylor-King
So immediately when I got on the call with this person who was introduced to me, by the way, I complimented his branding, his messaging, his visuals, and I said, it's so rare that I meet someone who has the funnel together. The branding together like to have it all cohesive, like you have it. And he went, wow, I just finished it three weeks ago.

00:47:48:00 - 00:48:20:03
Suzanne Taylor-King
My company is brand new. I just left corporate and had this created and it was one person who did it all for me. Wow. And I said, please, I must must meet this person. Like I was ready to ditch my conversation with him like I get her, they need to meet her. And of course he made he made the introduction.

00:48:20:05 - 00:48:48:20
Suzanne Taylor-King
And, I think he's going to be an amazing guest on my podcast and a good referral partner for me in the future. But he's just a baby, just getting started. But he didn't look at it. It was so well done. And when I find people like that, I basically have to prepare them and say, are you ready for like eight more clients within the next month?

00:48:48:20 - 00:49:21:06
Suzanne Taylor-King
And if they say, no, I'm not prepared for that. I start with one and see how it goes, because I'm such a huge fan of people who do quality work and put quality coaching or marketing or, you know, anything in the online space, and they're doing it well, I, I just want to encourage that from the deepest part of me because it's rare.

00:49:21:06 - 00:49:57:22
Suzanne Taylor-King
It's rare when somebody is doing such a stellar job at what they do of walking their talk and doing what they say and all of those things. And I think what intrigues me the most about the idea of referrals, reciprocity, making introductions is how you've made a career out of it, how you've made a community out of it, and a software platform.

00:49:58:00 - 00:50:03:05
Suzanne Taylor-King
Where did all that come from?

00:50:03:06 - 00:50:25:05
Gary Searle
So a lot of it actually come from being requested and asked for and feedback from clients. So when I first started the company, it was going to be all about referrals from their clients, past and present. So getting more those referrals and it was about helping them to build great customer experiences. And but the the customer journey and all that sort of stuff.

00:50:25:11 - 00:50:40:22
Gary Searle
Yeah. And that was great. But then over time, I started to realize that there were other sources of referrals that I was using outside of that that kind of took shape. Then people started to request for the membership that I've got. So that was again only created because people were like, we want this. And I was like, fine, I'll do that.

00:50:41:00 - 00:50:59:04
Gary Searle
So some of it is stuff that's been requested. And as for other, some of it is then I've been like, this is what I need and this is what it should look like. But the readymade business wasn't there from the beginning and how it is now. In a year's time, it could look a little bit different or it could look completely different.

00:50:59:04 - 00:51:13:06
Gary Searle
I don't know, probably more likely a little bit different. Because I think pretty much all except for how I want it to be. But yeah, some of it is a combination of things that I've seen and about, like, I needed a combination of all the people requested that asked for.

00:51:13:08 - 00:51:34:17
Suzanne Taylor-King
I like that you're willing to adapt and, you know, be flexible as far as where it's going to be in the future, because I really think that's required nowadays. Yeah. So good job. What do you think that looks like five years from now?

00:51:34:18 - 00:51:58:18
Gary Searle
Do you mean in terms of my specific business? Yeah, honestly, I have no idea. Literally. I have no idea. And I love that. I love the fact that in five years time, I don't know what my business is going to look like, how different it will be compared to now, but I just enjoy the process. So for me, I focus on the here and now and then whatever comes from that and what I'm take shape over the next three years will happen.

00:51:58:20 - 00:52:04:08
Suzanne Taylor-King
I love it, I love it. Well, how can everybody get in touch with you?

00:52:04:10 - 00:52:19:19
Gary Searle
The best way, I think, would be on Facebook. That's where I'm most active in terms of to start a conversation and then we'll take it to wherever we need to zoom, WhatsApp, whatever. But I think Facebook is the the best place to get in touch with me and start that conversation.

00:52:19:21 - 00:52:24:02
Suzanne Taylor-King
Okay. And what is your current website?

00:52:24:04 - 00:52:31:12
Gary Searle
Just read Funny Face. I don't have a website. I use what I call an invitation letter. Yeah, I, I.

00:52:31:14 - 00:52:32:10
Suzanne Taylor-King
Guess.

00:52:32:12 - 00:52:49:22
Gary Searle
I have an invitation letter, which is basically a letter that I sent to everyone that is interested in learning more about what I do and how I do it. But yeah, I don't have a website and that's by design at the moment. It's not been necessary. It will come, but when I need it and when I want it.

00:52:50:00 - 00:53:00:17
Suzanne Taylor-King
Would you would you grab the link to that invitation letter? If you if you feel called and put it in the private chat and I'll share that.

00:53:00:19 - 00:53:03:23
Gary Searle
Yeah. Is that, what in this chat here?

00:53:04:01 - 00:53:07:02
Suzanne Taylor-King
Yeah. Right over on the right hand side. There's a private chat you should see.

00:53:07:02 - 00:53:24:17
Gary Searle
Yeah. Let me see if I can hear what I might have to do is send possibly send you the link after the call, and then you can share it from there, because I don't know if I can get it right now. Yeah, I don't, I probably get, but I will get it to you straight after this one.

00:53:24:19 - 00:53:43:17
Suzanne Taylor-King
Sounds great. Sounds great. Well, thank you for, being you, TFP y. As my son says. I really appreciate. Growing relationship and look forward to more amazing connections for you and from you. Thank you. So lot request.

00:53:43:19 - 00:53:47:01
Gary Searle
Likewise. Very welcome and thank you for being amazing host.

00:53:47:03 - 00:53:48:20
Suzanne Taylor-King
You're welcome. Have a great day.

00:53:48:20 - 00:54:16:14
Suzanne Taylor-King
Thank you for tuning in to another empowering episode of Unlock Your Way. I hope you found today's discussion inspiring, and you're ready to take your business and personal growth to that next level. If you're feeling is fired up as I am and eager to unlock that full potential, I'm here to help you on your journey and provide that personalized guidance tailored to your unique goals and challenges.

00:54:16:16 - 00:54:43:09
Suzanne Taylor-King
Simply book a one on one coaching call with me, and we'll dive deep into your business aspirations and see how we could co-create a roadmap for your success. And whether you're striving to scale an enterprise size or just getting started. I'm here to support you every step of the way. To schedule your coaching call, simply visit the website and unlock your way with SI.com.

00:54:43:11 - 00:55:22:09
Suzanne Taylor-King
Click on the Book a Call button and we'll turn your dreams into that reality. Subscribe and review on your favorite podcast platform and on YouTube. Plus, you can join over 800 entrepreneurs in the Idea Lab, Facebook group. Let's make success as an entrepreneur happen together. Until next time, I'm AK. Keep dreaming big. Stay focused. And most of all, have fun while you're doing it.