Ep49 Terri Lonowski - The 5 Elements of Soulful Listening: Transform Your Leadership Impact

00:00:00:00 - 00:00:03:02
Terri Lonowski
once you embody this way of communication,

00:00:03:02 - 00:00:05:16
Terri Lonowski
you become it everywhere.

00:00:05:16 - 00:00:07:22
Terri Lonowski
it filters into all of your relationships,

00:00:07:22 - 00:00:15:14
Terri Lonowski
can a CEO, hard working, hard charging, leading people situation, or that tender interaction between

00:00:15:14 - 00:00:16:24
Terri Lonowski
a parent and the child.

00:00:16:24 - 00:00:42:29
Suzanne Taylor-King
Hey, hey. Welcome to a podcast where dreams meet. Determination and success is just around the corner. I'm your host, Suzanne Taylor King. And I'm here to help you unlock the full potential of your business and your life. Welcome to Unlock Your Way with SDK. Let's unlock your path to success together.

00:00:43:01 - 00:00:57:16
Suzanne Taylor-King
Good morning. Good morning everyone. We are here for another Friday conversation on Unlock Your Way with STK. I'm STK and this is the incredible

00:00:57:16 - 00:01:16:24
Suzanne Taylor-King
I was so astonished when I met you. Met Terry and Terry. I can't wait to have this conversation today. And deeply listen to whatever you have to say. Welcome to the show.

00:01:16:27 - 00:01:29:21
Terri Lonowski
Thank you Suzanne, I am super excited to be here and I've enjoyed our earlier conversation. And so I am just eager to share a little bit with your listeners and just have a great exchange.

00:01:29:24 - 00:02:13:16
Suzanne Taylor-King
Yeah, I well, so you just stood out to me within Daniel Andrews group and then Mike O'Neill, we're connected through him and so many similar connections. And I felt like, you know, deepening our relationship with a conversation and you're so good at it. And of course, because of what you do with soulful listening, you're a great listener. And where did all of this begin for you?

00:02:14:03 - 00:02:47:25
Terri Lonowski
First of all, thank you for those kind words. And, oh, the way I have learned to listen and step back from when I was a child and I grew up in a very chaotic environment. So I lived on the second floor of a stately mansion in a small country town, a second floor, because my family had converted the first floor into this bustling restaurant with banging and clanging and late night bar crowds right beneath my bedroom every night from the time I was three years old on, and I had kind of a quieter temperament.

00:02:47:25 - 00:03:13:04
Terri Lonowski
And what I ached for just ached for more than anything was seen and heard, and my immediate family was not available for that. You know, the parents were consumed with the restaurant and they kind of turned to alcohol for their solace. But there was one person that did listen to me, and that was my grandma Helga. And in her presence is as though we were in a safe, warm, delicious bubble.

00:03:13:06 - 00:03:35:04
Terri Lonowski
Felt like the rest of the world had disappeared. And I turned to her counsel all throughout my life. And there was when when conversation in high school, when you go to your high school guidance counselor that senior year and you're kind of discovering what's next, he pronounced the sentence upon me and said, Terry, you're a small town girl.

00:03:35:05 - 00:04:02:10
Terri Lonowski
You get lost in a big city. Your best bet is to go to Secretary of school and work for your family restaurant. But that was a death sentence for my spirit. And so I had a couple of sleepless nights, and I turned to grandma. Helga shared this story with her and she was wise beyond beyond belief. Successful in business, resilient twice widowed.

00:04:02:12 - 00:04:31:10
Terri Lonowski
And she was, you know, just, a person that would presents herself in a way that you felt safe and heard with all of her wisdom and accomplishment. So you just kind of sit back very calmly and said, Terry, look at all I've done without education. Think of what you can do with it. What in that moment, the trajectory of my life changed forever, and I went on to accomplish a couple of things along the way.

00:04:31:12 - 00:04:52:04
Terri Lonowski
But at the at the core of it was being heard in that way. And I realized how powerful that was. And so I went on and, you know, did did a few things, got a master's degree in educational psychology, showcased workforce innovations at the white House with teens that that I had coached. We were there two times.

00:04:52:04 - 00:05:15:11
Terri Lonowski
So what I learned from that experience is with human centered design. At the core of that is empathy. And these stale programs flipped on their ear, and they became very innovative. And I saw the power of empathy. But then I reflected upon what made me different and what changed my life and how my relationships were were connected on a deeper level.

00:05:15:11 - 00:05:38:07
Terri Lonowski
And I realized there were major missing pieces in how we communicate. So I sequestered myself was doing so we doing some research, realized that over half of the American population is lonely, and the health implications of that are equivalent to smoking 15 cigarets a day. And this broke my heart. And so I thought, how could I turn a blind eye?

00:05:38:09 - 00:05:56:15
Terri Lonowski
And the answer was you can't. And so out of this emerged, you know, from my heart from grandma had this influence and impact, the methodology which is now known as soulful listening. So that was a long answer to your very short question, but I think it gives a little bit of a framework.

00:05:57:16 - 00:06:34:11
Suzanne Taylor-King
And thank you so much for sharing that, because I truly believe that what you're doing, because of where it's come from, because it's it was born in your own experience and from what you needed and then what you witnessed in the world. And, I just want to say that I noticed so in my travels, so many lonely, disconnected, distracted people.

00:06:34:13 - 00:07:19:18
Suzanne Taylor-King
And one of the key things that even my 15 year old son is noticing is this inability to have interactive, back and forth conversations. And I always thought that that was a skill that every human had. And it's become so obvious to me that it's not. And the act of being curious, interested in other people. You mentioned empathy.

00:07:19:18 - 00:07:58:11
Suzanne Taylor-King
I think that's key. But it's also this idea, like, right now you're listening to me. I was listening to you. And when I listen, I'm not thinking about what I'm going to say next. I'm taking in your story and feeling your connection to your grandmother and what the restaurant must have been like to live above that, and feeling that as like, it's just so beautiful to do that with someone else.

00:07:58:13 - 00:08:15:01
Suzanne Taylor-King
How do you, being who you are out in the world, how does this impact you as an entrepreneur, and how do you continue to lead by example like you do?

00:08:16:22 - 00:08:41:20
Terri Lonowski
Oh, it's such beautiful insights. First of all, I applaud you for having the connection with your son to help him navigate through having conversations. You know, oftentimes in many, many families, in many situations, deep listening and real communication is not being modeled. You know, the the seduction of social media, which I'm a big fan of all of it.

00:08:41:23 - 00:09:25:00
Terri Lonowski
We just think that it there needs to be an and and modeling of high quality communication. And so you ask how how do I navigate in the world? I am that of which I speak. So once, once you embody this way of communication, you become it everywhere. So it, you know, it filters into all of your relationships, whether it be a beautiful romantic relationship, you can a CEO, hard working, hard charging, leading people situation, or that tender interaction between a parent and the child.

00:09:25:02 - 00:09:43:26
Terri Lonowski
Yeah, it's everywhere and with your friendships. So so being authentic to this, makes it very easy. And the social listening methodology is quite simple, quite easy to understand. And maybe, maybe it would be helpful for me to just brush over the the elements.

00:09:43:27 - 00:10:21:22
Suzanne Taylor-King
Yeah, yeah. Sleep not only the, the the methodology itself, but I think what, what is so helpful to witness here is your acknowledgment of you just being that person out into the world. And I think the ripple effect of that is incredible, because every conversation that you have is another one that's modeling your methodology. So yes, dive into the new CBA.

00:10:21:22 - 00:10:46:13
Terri Lonowski
Okay. So there are five elements in soulful listening. And I'm just going to go through each of those. The first one is self-care. And very rarely is the direct connection between high quality self-care and high quality communication made that it is critical. And it's more than a bubble bath, although it can include a bubble bath.

00:10:46:16 - 00:10:49:21
Suzanne Taylor-King
Oh, I want to talk with Mary.

00:10:49:23 - 00:11:17:24
Terri Lonowski
Which is absolutely wonderful. Yeah. And it includes other things like how are we talking to ourselves? What's that loop that's going on? What kind of are we setting? Healthy boundaries. We what's her nutrition look like? Are we moving our bodies? Yeah. So it includes all of it. Are we sleeping? Well, I mean, the importance of quality sleep cannot be overemphasized.

00:11:17:26 - 00:11:36:04
Terri Lonowski
And I can go into studies about that, but we're going to move on. So self-care, you know, really taking care of your basic needs and beyond. It's sets us up for these second element of soulful listening, which is becoming fully present.

00:11:36:06 - 00:11:38:05
Speaker 3
Yeah.

00:11:38:07 - 00:11:59:27
Terri Lonowski
You can imagine we've all been in situations where you can almost see a bubble above a person's head with a list of things they're thinking about. We feel it. You mentioned earlier that you're not thinking 12 steps ahead on what you're going to say next. You're here. You're present. I feel it. And so sometimes it's hard to it's kind of abstract and hard to understand.

00:11:59:27 - 00:12:32:00
Terri Lonowski
What becomes important present is here. And so right now we're going to take three intentional breaths, get in our bodies and become more fully present. So first just shrug your shoulders up and down. And then kind of move around, wiggle around a little bit. It's okay to do it. And now we're going to take three breaths. The way we'll do that will breathe in through our nose will hold, and then we'll breathe out through our mouth, will breathe into the count of four and out to the count of six.

00:12:32:02 - 00:12:58:20
Terri Lonowski
And as you're doing that, notice the warmth of your heart area. So let's we can breathe in two, three, four. Hold out two, three, four, five, six again in two, three or out two, three.

00:12:58:22 - 00:12:59:19
Speaker 3
Four.

00:12:59:22 - 00:13:45:27
Terri Lonowski
Five, six. And a final take in two, 3 or 4 and out two, 3 or 5 six. Notice your body now has anything changed? Yeah, I feel the difference between the two of us since we just taken it down just just a bit. And so when we truly take care of ourselves and we become fully present, we bring a quality of grace and compassion into our interactions, which sets us up for the third element of soulful listening, which is quantum listening.

00:13:46:00 - 00:14:15:16
Terri Lonowski
And if active listening to empathy had a love child, it would be this element of soulful listening. So it's where we listen with every fiber of our being through all of our senses and beyond, tapping into our intuition, subtle signs that we just kick off on by being with another person fully. And when we listen in this way and we enter conversations with a state of openness, there may be some high quality questions.

00:14:15:19 - 00:14:38:03
Terri Lonowski
We often gain insights into how we might be helpful to another, and that teases up for the fourth element of soulful listening, which is a secret sauce and it's inspired action. When we gain insights through these deeply connected conversations and we find a way that we can be helpful to another is very important to take action on that.

00:14:38:06 - 00:15:06:21
Terri Lonowski
And it may be as simple as making a phone call, making an introduction, sharing some information about the latest technology that could be used to be helpful to another person. But but it's an action. It's when we're in action that really matters. And then the final element of soulful listening is the feedback loop. Once a person has played themselves, you gained insights into how you might be helpful.

00:15:06:23 - 00:15:29:26
Terri Lonowski
You take action. It's critical that you let the person know that you take an action, that you don't leave them hanging in the abyss because in absence of that loop and that connection back, we make up stories. And the stories may go something like this. I told them, you know, like really, really, I needed I had a deep need and they looked like they were listening.

00:15:29:26 - 00:15:54:09
Terri Lonowski
The head was nodding. They were leaning forward. Yeah, okay. It's nothing. I'm never going to say anything to that person again of substance. Yeah. You never. When this cycle repeats itself, it embeds integrity and confidence within relationships. No matter what the relationship is. Imagine when you're hurt like this. When people take action, they've got your back. No

00:15:54:09 - 00:15:56:02
Terri Lonowski
strings attached.

00:15:56:05 - 00:15:59:04
Terri Lonowski
Yeah, just imagine that cycle repeating itself.

00:15:59:04 - 00:16:33:05
Suzanne Taylor-King
Well, what I love so much about this is, you know, from my context in business, I mean, I can see how this would help with your family and your children and your friends, but in the context of business, because that's what I do for a living. I feel that this ability to listen, connect deeply, have empathy, be able to be a value you to other people.

00:16:33:07 - 00:17:13:25
Suzanne Taylor-King
And and to me, being a value is not a sales pitch. It's deep listening for what they need out of my knowledge base or my resources. That's that's not part of selling them something. Right. And I feel that that's the way to not only grow a business, grow a network, grow connection with other people. But what what you're talking about is being of service to others in, in a deep connected.

00:17:13:28 - 00:17:29:28
Suzanne Taylor-King
And I heard the word trust that there's some magical form of trust between two people or groups of people when there's listening. Like this involved.

00:17:31:01 - 00:17:59:25
Terri Lonowski
Yeah. That's that's so true. And, you know, when we look at what the research is showing and, you know, like magazines like Forbes who reported this year that a whopping 69% of people in the workplace don't are dissatisfied with the social connections that are there. That is powerful and it's impactful in such a negative way, and it affects the bottom line.

00:17:59:27 - 00:18:29:04
Terri Lonowski
So and so when we look at the the state of the world right now, we really need the best and the brightest in each of us most fully expressed. And I believe that deep listening in this way is one way to unleash potential in the workplace and beyond. And so, you know, when we talk about how does this affect business, how does this, you know, make a lasting impact?

00:18:29:07 - 00:18:57:29
Terri Lonowski
All successful business is based on relationships, and high quality relationships include deep listening. Yeah. And when we when we interact with people in this way. You mentioned the word trust. When we trusted another person, then we could really reveal what we need. And that could be a customer too. Before they might have just held back and think, well, all they want is something out of me.

00:18:57:29 - 00:19:28:28
Terri Lonowski
But when you come from an authentic position of I'm here to help you, I need to know what you your biggest pain point is. And when you have this container of safety and understanding and authenticity, your customer will be more likely to fully reveal and and it. By holding this space for another person, it gives them a chance to kind of introspect in your presence and see.

00:19:28:28 - 00:19:48:24
Terri Lonowski
Then they could really, really get at what they need as opposed to just skimming the surface. And this kind of listening is done, you know, with other people. And we also need to do it within ourselves, you know, if you have dissonance, if you have some agitation inside, you are telling yourself something.

00:19:48:24 - 00:19:50:15
Terri Lonowski
Yeah. Listen.

00:19:50:17 - 00:19:51:17
Suzanne Taylor-King
Take action

00:19:51:17 - 00:20:28:29
Suzanne Taylor-King
so so wise. And immediately as soon as you said listening within ourselves. I think that skill to be able to silence the inner critic or the, you know, so many times I meet people and they just are so excited to sell their product or their service that they skip over the no. Like, intro, and they go right into the sales pitch.

00:20:29:01 - 00:21:13:04
Suzanne Taylor-King
And this goes for offices as well. You know, if you're working in a corporate environment, instead of connecting with other people and listening for what they need, you go right into, well, this is what I need you to do. And you know, this leadership skill that you're talking about it, it's self leadership at its finest. Is is what I heard and when I listened to me, I'm able to tap into not only my own intelligence, universal intelligence, all the wisdom I've gained over the years and really feel.

00:21:13:06 - 00:21:54:24
Suzanne Taylor-King
What does Terry need in this moment and how would she like me to serve, take action, help guide. Or sometimes it's just listening. That's it. And I. I think you should be a household name. Today's day and age. Because this is, this is the missing skill that so many are forgetting is part of the basics. And I don't know, how do you feel about that?

00:21:54:26 - 00:22:11:26
Terri Lonowski
Yeah, it's true what I do know that as humans, we're designed to thrive when we feel seen and heard and supported by others. Period. And in absence of that, we do not become the full expression of ourselves.

00:22:12:23 - 00:22:31:04
Terri Lonowski
We will hold ourselves back or we will tell ourselves stories that, you know, really are embedded with limiting beliefs. And and, and we need others, we need one another to help us navigate out of those stuck patterns. Yeah.

00:22:31:07 - 00:23:19:14
Suzanne Taylor-King
Yeah, I hear that. I hear that, you know, as we grow, as we you know, obviously we're you and I are in this online space right now, connecting with each other. I think it's slightly different in person, but it doesn't have to be that different. Connecting virtually or connecting in person. And I think through some of the things that you're talking about, we can really expand those virtual connections to be more real, more human.

00:23:19:17 - 00:23:44:21
Terri Lonowski
Right. And and, you know, the beauty of being able to use technology is you can scale your reach up to, you know, one on one is lovely. And I enjoy that tremendously. And I also realize, you know, you'd mentioned that through social listening should be a household name or we should be. We out there and doing it. I physically cannot be every place all at once.

00:23:44:27 - 00:24:13:22
Terri Lonowski
And so, you know, like using technology as an aid for sharing a, you know, like a meaningful message, something that is, you know, has some, some teeth to it that you can apply in your own life, that is, you know, valuable and maybe not gleaned in, in our day to day life through just, yeah, casual interactions. Yeah. When the combination is good.

00:24:13:24 - 00:24:24:29
Suzanne Taylor-King
Well, I, I love that and I'm so excited to be a part of the spreading of what you're doing. Do you have a podcast by any chance?

00:24:25:01 - 00:24:53:16
Terri Lonowski
I, I don't I'm invited to be on an awful lot of people's podcast, so I'm choosing to do that and I'm, you know, looking at scaling ways for me to get the message out, you know, like, like through LinkedIn live. I love this platform. Yeah. And so, so I'm, I'm, you know, constantly looking at other ways. I'm in the process of writing a book right now, which is titled Soulful Listening for leaders.

00:24:53:18 - 00:25:00:07
Terri Lonowski
And, you know, we're having conversations with agents and publishers right now. So fingers crossed.

00:25:00:09 - 00:25:30:16
Suzanne Taylor-King
Oh, that is just so, so wonderful. And I think what I would love to do is invite you back when the book comes out, so we can actually dive into the book, and I'd be happy to help you promote that. And thank you for any platform that I can give. This mission of yours, is just an absolute honor.

00:25:30:16 - 00:25:45:02
Suzanne Taylor-King
So thank you to Mike O'Neill for bringing such a wonderful group of people together to listen and learn from each other and honored to have you in my circle, Terry.

00:25:45:04 - 00:25:51:05
Terri Lonowski
Thank you. I feel I feel the same about you. So this has been, you know, just delightful.

00:25:51:07 - 00:26:05:15
Suzanne Taylor-King
Wonderful. I am going to share, your link, here in the chat. Hold on one second and tell us where we can get in touch with you. And where's the best place to.

00:26:05:16 - 00:26:28:15
Terri Lonowski
Okay, well, I love to connect on LinkedIn, so anybody listening that I'm not currently, you know, connected with. Please, please shoot me an invite. So that's one way that I love to connect. My, my website, you know, usually has pretty current things that are going on. So that's one way to find out what I'm, what I'm up to.

00:26:28:15 - 00:26:51:11
Terri Lonowski
And, I did a Ted talk, and that's kind of a nice one to share with people so that they can, you know, have had just kind of a, a broad understanding of what soulful listening is. And we feel good. We're right at around 200,000 views on that. So I'm, you know, delighted when people check in and and enjoy that.

00:26:51:13 - 00:27:18:08
Suzanne Taylor-King
Oh I love that. I will make sure to go find that link and share that below this video. For anyone interested in checking out Terri's Ted talk. Congratulations on that. That's amazing. Thank you for being here today, and thank you for sharing a little bit of your heart and your message and being so, so incredible at listening. I appreciate you.

00:27:18:11 - 00:27:20:11
Terri Lonowski
Thank you so much, my honor.

00:27:20:11 - 00:27:48:04
Suzanne Taylor-King
Thank you for tuning in to another empowering episode of Unlock Your Way. I hope you found today's discussion inspiring, and you're ready to take your business and personal growth to that next level. If you're feeling is fired up as I am and eager to unlock that full potential, I'm here to help you on your journey and provide that personalized guidance tailored to your unique goals and challenges.

00:27:48:06 - 00:28:14:28
Suzanne Taylor-King
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00:28:15:01 - 00:28:53:28
Suzanne Taylor-King
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